So i just found out my sister knew about my food/ exercise diary and had told her boyfriend (who is my friend about it)

“At least I don’t keep a word document of all the food, exercise and calories i have had for the day”

I want to throw up everything right now.

I dont want to live.

I am so close to just giving up.

I dont want to be a fatty.

Holy shit. AND i am going to spend a full day with my friend tomorrow who knows. FUCK!!

I wish they didn’t know!

Time to carve up my flesh.  

I cant do my exercise’s until they are asleep. Which may be a while. So i may wake up at 3 or 4 to do them. Ugh

I feel so sick. That may just be all the shit i have ate churning in my stomach.

Make it go away! I cant take this anymore. I cant stand that stupid voice in my head telling me what and what i cant eat.

I dont know what the fuck is wrong with me.
 

(Source: hippiewithxhipbones, via 100andhealthy)

(Source: yourebulimia)

maddyspark:

felice fawn, perfection in human form. 

Weighed myself today.
46.6
Ughh. FAT!!
At least i lost weight.

Intake so far:
A muesli bar-198.6 cal.

So many calories in a “health” food.

It is almost 8pm

Dont want dinner!  

So far:
A tall skinny latte
A no carb energy drink-93
2 pieces of sugar free gum

I dont know if i feel sick or am hungry.
I may just go have some powdered soup which is under 100 calories.
So fucking happy i resisted the chocolate in the crew room today. I kept telling myself it wasn’t worth it and i would feel better about myself if i didn’t give in. Which is true.
I am still a fatty though.
I feel sick.
Going to have my soup now for “dinner” and then later some fruit for dessert.
I hope my mum isn’t home to make real dinner.
Either way, i will still refuse to eat it. 

fakey0uth:

Everything would be easier if I was skinny.

Never in my life have i hated myself as much as i do now.
I have been really bad lately. Hungry ALL the time.
I was crying to my mum and she laughed and said the doctors would think i was crazy if i went in saying i was hungry being as “skinny” as i was.
I AM NOT FUCKING SKINNY! proof?
Well i just weighed myself and i am a wopping 49kg!
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
I WANT TO DIE.
I WANT TO CRAWL BACK INTO MY BED AND NEVER SEE A PIECE OF FOOD.
note to self: DO NOT EAT YOU FAT FUCK! Diet liquids and water only.

I think i am going to tell my mum not to feed me due to my fatness.
I will probably cry heaps and heaps.
Fuck! I can not believe how fat i am.  

Had sooo many un healthy things this weekend. Tomorrow is monday so i can officially start the week of clean.

Scared of how much weight i may have gained :/

Tomorrow i will allow myself to have an easter egg. and a drink of some sort. (this will be my indulgent for the day)
A salad maybe for lunch. and maybe something else if i look odd just eating a salad around everyone else. ONLY if they force me. For dinner i will be sneaky. Hopefully just a drink.
Need to buy a bottle of water and low cal/ carb energy drink. hopefully only 8 cal for the drink. 

Will be walking a lot. I hope.

Thats it. Scared and cold at this current moment.  

A piece of candy- 17.3 calories

it is around 5pm and i plan on having a piece of candy each hour until 11pm

I DONT WANT DINNER!

help me!
 

(Source: teenybones, via shrink-me-alice)

aladdinsanee:

fave.

(Source: thethinspirationalblog)

They saw them and pointed them out.

“They” being my “friends” and “them” being my self harm scars.

Person one:
“whats that”
-Nothing.
“what happened?”
-Nothing

Person two:
“She cut her self”
Person one:
“she wouldnt do that!”
-Yes i would.
Person two:
“Yeah she would”
*points it out once again*
“look she has cuts everywhere; her hand, other arm”

Me: Plays dumb.
“you even had them up your arm”
Person two to person one:
“She doesn’t even cut deep, she should”
-Ha, you should see my collection on my thighs.
Person one: 
“lets see”
Me: DONT TOUCH ME! 

Yepp. I feel like crap.
Made me want to hurt myself even more. 
I ate too much today. 

Intake for the day:
A coffee (280?)
6 pieces of candy (100)
Dinner (almost 300)
Candy (50)
Energy drink (93)

I want to die.

I dont want to eat tomorrow but my family will be home. 

I want to die.

I NEED to cut.

I want to die.

I want to die. die. die.



 

(Source: we-will-run-to-you, via confi-dence-deactivated20120409)